Xela: 1, Rach: 0

Sorry for the pause. Saturday was a long day for me, and there are certain things that mothers need to hear first, and I did not talk to mine until last night. But how wonderful it was! I broke down and bought a cell phone yesterday because I wanted to talk to my mama and not in a busy internet cafe over Skype.

So, Saturday. I woke up feeling rested, for the first time. And had an egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast that did not make me feel ill. I thought I was coming to the end of the nausea and vomiting and diarrhea. Most of Saturday my friend Erin and I laid about in cafes reading, and then that afternoon I headed to the Black Cat Hostel to meet my friend Ali who was in town for the night on her way back from the mountains and on her way to the lake. She needed to take care of some things, book shuttle tickets and get some books, and it was nice to be able to navigate to all the places we needed to get to. I was thinking to myself, "I know this place, I like this place, I feel safe here, etc." On our way up a hill to a bookstore called North and South, an old man got our attention and undid his trousers and waved his lumpy penis at us. I wish I were here telling you that was the most exciting thing to happen on Saturday.

On our way back towards the Parque Central, we ran into two classmates of Ali's whose names fail me now. We were chatting with them about what to do that evening when a commotion behind us caught our attention. We looked up to notice a black, tinted window Land Rover parked in the middle of the one way street. And a man, kicking and flailing, being carried by five other men, who were hurrying to get him into the car. Another man was running a little ahead of them, and had the door open and was yelling at them to hurry. They threw him in the back, climbed in, and before all the doors were shut, the driver squealed the tires and they were off. I was totally dumbstruck. I was a sheep. I couldn't form words in my head, or think of what to do next, so I followed the other girls into a shop two doors down. One of the others, a cooler customer than me, had gotten the license number, and a few minutes later the police drove by. Ali's classmates flagged them down, explained what happened and they asked us to come in for a statement, which we declined. She handed the license number to the policewoman and we headed to the Parque for a drink. I was totally freaking out at this point, thinking, "I'm not safe here, the whole town has seen me involve the police in what we saw, I need to cut and dye my hair and transfer cities."

A gin and tonic helped a bit, but I still felt sickened to my core over what we'd seen. I tried to think of all the reasons people abduct other people. Maybe it was a bachelor party or a hazing or the dude had knocked up someone's sister. When I voiced this to the table, the looks they gave me said, "You know that's not what that was." Still, I have no idea what it was. I don't know if the abductors are the bad guys or the abductee is. I'll never know.

What I do know is that it totally ruined all the good feelings I had towards Xela. Suddenly the town felt sinister and dirty and corrupt, and prior to this, I had never felt threatened here, not a single time. After our drink, we split up. Ali and I went for dinner, where there was a roach crawling on my delicious salad, which I continued to eat, because I didn't have the energy not to. We ended up getting stuck at the restaurant because it was raining and storming so bad that there was 4 inches of water on the streets surrounding us. Ali said, "have you ever seen rain like this?!" Yes, in Nashville, a few weeks ago.

After dinner we met back up with her friends and then wandered around trying to find a bar that everyone wanted to go to, but 3 of us wanted to go to a club, which is not my scene in any country, and Ali and I eventually headed back the parque's Salon Tecun, where we found a cozy upstairs table in a room playing Michael Jackson.

Saturday night was the worst night I've spent here. I took a cab home and so many of the streets were flooded, that we kept getting trapped and having to turn around, which felt unsafe to me. I was really skittish, and any dark SUV or rapidly accelerating car made my heart race. When I got home, my family was asleep. I got in bed, feeling lonelier than I have ever felt in my life. No cell phone, no computer, no way to reach anyone I love, and no way to communicate effectively with anyone near me. I was so freaked out, convinced that every car that drove down our street was full of people who were coming to get me. I don't know how long I laid there, stiffening in bed at every nocturnal sound.

But things are always always always better in the daylight. I went upstairs the next morning to talk to Erin, and was able to get to a cafe to email MRM and seek her advice. We got back out into the city and I realized all over again that it's not a terrible horrible no good very bad place.

Yesterday I made a point to go back out alone and learn a new route to zone 3. I found my bank, found a Chinese buffet, found a phone, and was able to reach my sweet mom. I still am not in love with this place, but I am no longer feeling like I have to flee. I'm still sick, though. Last night's dinner was soft boiled plantains and the juice that they were boiled in. My father would have never been able to stomach it. I was barely able to. When I got to the table, I assumed the plantains were an appetizer, since there were 6 pieces on my plate and 1 on everyone else's. I doled them out so we each had 2, and that turned out to be dinner. We had a pleasant conversation, and afterward, I got really sick and threw up a little and then was up a lot of the night with crippling stomach cramps and my old friend, diarrhea.

Mom and I made the decision that I would continue taking the Cipro, and would buy my own food from now on. I have no control over how they prepare food here, which seems to involve lots of water with lots of e. coli in it. Today some students and I took a quick trip up to the bakeshop where I got yogurt, granola, bread and peanut butter. I'm gonna see what I feel like eating that, and I've stopped brushing my teeth with the tap water.

Right now there is a decision to be made about continuing in Xela or going back and enrolling in a school in Antigua. The big pro with Xela is the absolutely gorgeous weather. If I am going to be sick regardless, I'd rather be sick in cool weather instead of Antigua's suffocating heat. Also, Antigua is more money than Xela, and I'm budgeted for Xela. Also, I adore my family, but I don't adore not being able to eat the food they serve. For lunch today they had pasta with spinach and tomato and it looked so delicious, but I stuck with my peanut butter. The pros of Antigua would be spending the summer with my best bud, MRM, and being a little closer to places we want to travel to.

Before I got here, I had this picture in my mind of how the summer would go. I would spend the mornings studying Spanish in a lovely tropical garden, drinking fresh squeezed orange juice, and making life long friends. In the afternoons, I would walk down quaint cobblestone streets to the clinic, where I would do patient assessments and get to know the people of this city. Evenings would be long, lovely dinners with my family, and then I would collapse into bed exhausted.

At this point, all other things being equal, I'd like to experience Xela without feeling so bad before I make any decisions. I have no idea how I'd feel about this place if when I ate something, I didn't feel awful. Also, there is the giving up factor which is haunting me. The thought of being the pale white girl who got sick on the food that everyone else is eating and had to leave is so humbling. I loathe feeling like a failure. But, how sick I've felt is no fun either.

I am going to Antigua this weekend. MRM was going to come here for her birthday, but Ali will be in Antigua and I felt like I wanted a little change of scenery. So hopefully the MRMs and I will have some time to sit down, perhaps over some of those scrumptious chocolate crepes, and reason through this. Would certainly appreciate your prayers that I am able to make a sane decision, and not be swayed by illness or the despair that I have felt as a result of the illness.